


Bucky and the Internet

by Mystrana



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bits of humor, Established Relationship, Feels, Kitchen Sex, M/M, Sleepy Sex, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-08 05:23:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1928235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrana/pseuds/Mystrana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve can tell what Bucky's been reading on the internet. Some nights, he comes to bed all smiles and laughter after discovering another comedy website. Other nights, he's full of questions about current events, movies or sports. And some nights, he comes to bed quiet and withdrawn. Steve knows those are the nights they'll talk quietly or maybe not even talk and just hold each other while they remember the rough parts of their pasts.</p><p>A five part post-CATWS fic that explores the different ways Steve and Bucky spend their evenings together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Comedy Websites

**Author's Note:**

> If you're curious, the five parts (was supposed to be four, but I got inspired) will be: 1) Comedy Websites 2) Current Events 3) Bucky searches his past, 4) Recipes and 5) Bonus Surprise! :)  
> As you might guess, future parts may have an angst warning, but this first part is angst free and fluffy. Enjoy!

It all began when Steve suggested that Bucky check out the internet. “After all,” Steve had said, “ _Everything_ is on the internet! Can you even imagine what it would have been like to have this when we were younger?”

But Bucky didn’t respond; he was already clicking around the webpage and typing in search terms like it was second nature. Steve nodded approvingly, his hands loosely crossed over his chest as he watched his lover click on sites that piqued his interest.

After fifteen minutes, Steve was yawning from his post behind the computer chair. “Buck,” he said, “I’m going to go to sleep. Don’t make the same mistake I made and try to stay up all night to read everything – it’s impossible and the internet will still be there tomorrow.”

Bucky responded with a short head nod that could almost be construed as confirmation. Steve went to their bedroom and, sprawled out over the covers wearing nothing but his favorite blue boxers, fell asleep.

It was a quarter past two when Bucky finally crept into the bedroom, using every ounce of his training to cross the room without a sound. Steve slept like a baby. A colicky baby who never fell into a particularly deep sleep. The moment Bucky sat perfectly silently on the bed, Steve opened his eyes and tiredly smiled up at him.

“Enjoy the internet, I take it?” Steve asked through a huge yawn. He stretched on the bed, turning on his side to face Bucky.

“It was a rush,” Bucky said, unable to hold back his delighted laughter. “Anything I could think to type, it was there! I ended up reading some comedy websites. There are so many of them!”

“Learn any good jokes?” Steve said, blinking his eyes as if to shed his sleepiness.

“Cats are surprisingly funny,” Bucky said thoughtfully, “It’s so different from when we were kids, Steve. There was this one site dedicated to hilarious cakes. A bunch of the jokes were references to things I didn’t know, but I could just search those things and keep going! Well, except for when searching those things meant I had to search other things, but you know what I mean!”

“Glad to see it resonated with you,” Steve said through another yawn.

“Next thing I know, I look up and it’s after two,” Bucky admitted. “I’m not even that tired right now.”

“Sounds like a first time on the internet experience for sure,” Steve said, rolling onto his back and pulling up the blanket. “Glad it worked out so well.” He closed his eyes, ready to ease back into sleep.

Bucky shed his pants and tank top and slid under the covers, purposely and slowly pressing right up against Steve, running his metal arm along Steve’s side and grinning when Steve shuddered at the cool touch.

Steve opened his eyes warily. “I’m not going to get any sleep tonight, am I?”

“Nah, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want,” Bucky said, though his arm kept moving, his fingers fluttering along Steve’s hip. “I’m certainly up for it though. Coming to bed and seeing you in nothing but those danged threadbare boxers of yours.”

Steve smiled as he reached under the covers to run his hand along Bucky’s stomach in a teasing touch. “I bet you are up for it,” he said, letting his hand dip lower to confirm and Bucky practically purred as Steve lightly moved his hand on Bucky’s erection.

“I’m serious though, I’ll survive if you want to sleep,” Bucky managed to say before Steve pressed his lips gently to Bucky’s with another little smile.

“I want to sleep, but I want you too, so I’ll just have to make a small sacrifice,” Steve replied in between soft kisses.

Bucky moved so that he was sitting across Steve’s hips. He leaned forward to give Steve a rougher kiss, all tongue and playful nips. Steve responded slowly but eagerly, grabbing a fist full of Bucky’s hair to keep him in place.

“Is that how it is?” Bucky said, bringing his hands up to cup Steve’s face as he softly sucked on Steve’s lower lip.

“Mm,” Steve sighed, relaxing his grip on Bucky’s hair.

“You know, Steve?” Bucky said as he let his metal hand trace idle patterns down Steve’s chest, “You’re entirely overdressed for the occasion.”

Steve wiggled his hips. “You’re kind of impeding my ability to get rid of them.”

Bucky nodded with mock seriousness. “I’ll have to do something about that.” He eased his way down the bed, pulling down Steve’s boxers and freeing his hard cock. “And I’ll have to do something about this too!” he added with a playful wink.

Leaning in as though he was going to go down on him, Bucky brought his lips to Steve’s inner thigh, grinning when Steve sighed exasperatedly.

“Tease,” Steve groaned as Bucky licked a long line down the curve of Steve’s thigh.

“You know me so well,” Bucky said delightedly. Steve shook his head. Bucky’s face was bright and his eyes were dark with lust, a look that told Steve he was going to have to be patient because Bucky had a plan. “You’re tired, I’m not – let me take care of things tonight.”

“Aw thanks,” Steve said. “But technically it’s the early morning.”

“For someone who’s supposedly super tired,” Bucky said, moving until his mouth was just above Steve’s erection, “You’re certainly saving all of your energy for your witty remarks.”

“Just for you, Buck,” Steve said, trying to arc his hips up, but Bucky pinned him down with his hands on his hips.

Bucky dipped his head down, taking Steve’s cock in his mouth in an easy, smooth gesture, swallowing until his mouth was half way down the shaft. Steve couldn’t hold back a moan at the sudden suction and he whimpered when Bucky pulled away after just a few moments.

“Almost forgot,” Bucky said with a smirk, “You might try saying something else smart while I’m busy down there. Can’t have any of that!” And he maneuvered around so that his feet were at the headrest and his own cock was poised just above Steve’s mouth. “Go on,” he said. “I don’t want to hear a peep while I’m taking care of you down here.”

Steve opened his mouth, letting Bucky gently but firmly invade the warm and wet space. Bucky went back to sucking Steve’s dick, enjoying the deep vibrations when Steve moaned around his erection. He cupped Steve’s balls with his metal hand, earning him another groan and another wonderful wave of vibration.

Bucky got into a steady rhythm when suddenly Steve’s warm, lube-slick finger started to slide its way down his ass, pausing for a moment before pressing slowly inside. “Mmmm,” Bucky groaned and Steve’s erection twitched at the sound. Pressing his hips back against the finger, Bucky grinned around Steve’s cock when a second finger joined the first, moving in a soft scissoring motion.

“I’m gonna – stop,” Bucky panted, “I don’t want to come until you’re inside me.”

“Just getting you ready,” Steve said, adding a third finger and putting his perfect mouth back to work on Bucky’s cock.

Bucky made a noise halfway between a moan and a growl and pulled himself back towards the end of the bed. “I said I’d take care of you,” he said, positioning himself above Steve’s cock, allowing the penetration to happen slowly but steadily.

“And I said I was just helping,” Steve replied, “God you’re tight. Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I’m going to gag you one of these nights,” Bucky replied, pushing down until he was fully impaled on Steve’s dick. “Ohhh,” he groaned. “This is perfect.”

“Take your time,” Steve said, running his hands along Bucky’s thighs.

Bucky responded by starting to move. “Don’t boss me around!” he said, smirking.

“It feels good when I boss you around,” Steve said. “I’m gonna do it more often –“

Bucky shut him up with a rough kiss. When they broke apart, panting, Steve looked up at Bucky. “Touch yourself for me,” he said.

Happy to comply, Bucky grabbed his own erection, pumping it even as he fucked himself on Steve’s dick.

Steve’s breathing was getting faster and Bucky knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He reached down with his other hand to cup and squeeze Steve’s balls.

“Bucky, fuck, you’re –“ Steve couldn’t form a coherent sentence as he came inside Bucky, warm and wet.

“God you’re hot,” Bucky replied, closing his eyes, his whole body tensing with his own orgasm, his cum arcing onto Steve’s stomach. Steve groaned as Bucky came, his muscles clamping tightly around his softening erection.

“Damn, Bucky, that was –“ Steve was interrupted by a huge yawn. “That was good,” he finished with a tired smile.

After a yawn of his own, Bucky said, “Yeah, I’m starting to feel tired now too.” He slowly got up and grabbed some tissues from the nightstand.

“If this is what happens every time you read the internet,” Steve muttered into Bucky’s shoulder as the two of them snuggled under the blanket, “I’m all for it. Not so late though, maybe.”

“Good night Steve,” Bucky replied, ruffling Steve’s hair.

Steve’s breathing evened out into a peaceful slumber and then Bucky slept, his dreams full of potential searches for tomorrow.


	2. Current Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had envisioned this chapter as being a more serious debate, but this is what happened instead and I really liked the way it turned out. It felt authentic.

Bucky’s evening ritual developed as he set aside a half hour each night to browse the internet on their computer while Steve sat at his desk nearby, sketching and drawing. They weren’t always quiet for those thirty minutes, but the companionable silence was comforting as they took some time for themselves, separate but together.

Early on, Steve had warned him, as they were settling down in their chairs one Thursday evening. “Natasha uploaded all of Hydra’s best kept secrets online during the downfall of SHIELD. I think you’re doing well working with Sam, but I don’t want you to accidentally stumble onto something you’d rather not see right now.”

Bucky had pressed his lips together and nodded slightly. “A lot of what I did as the Winter Soldier is fucked up in my mind and I don’t know if I want that sort of clarity right now.” He paused. “Someday, though. Maybe.”

For the past week, Bucky had been familiarizing himself with the current state of entertainment, music and movies through the incredible technique called “streaming.” Last Monday had been a debate over the movies they had grown up with versus the movies of today.

“They are classics for a reason,” Steve argued. “They have stood the test of time. Nowadays, everything is explosions and more explosions and jerky action sequences that are hard to follow.”

“I don’t think you’re giving them a fair chance,” Bucky said. He enjoyed the choreographed violence that looked like an intricate dance. “Plus, you’re biased because you starred in a few of those old movies. Of course you think they’re great.”

Steve had the good sense to blush, slightly. “I don’t count _those_ movies as classics,” he muttered. “I’m just saying I would like to see the plot drive the story more than the amount of naked flesh they advertise.”

“There is nothing wrong with naked flesh, especially when it’s shown in those so-called classic ways,” Bucky said, closing the distance between them and casually undoing the first few buttons of Steve’s shirt. “You know, the flash of collarbone.”

He slowly and deliberately let his metal fingers glide along Steve’s newly exposed skin as he unbuttoned the shirt completely and eased it off. Steve’s undershirt fell to the ground moments later. “The artful lines of a naked back,” Bucky said softly, drawing Steve closer and tracing a finger down Steve’s spine.

“The way the old movies tastefully fade out and let the viewer imagine the ridiculously hot sex rather than explicitly forcing it on them,” Steve managed to say right before Bucky covered his mouth in a wickedly rough kiss.

*

On Wednesday, they found that their tastes in music clashed. Steve was once again sticking with the classics, though this time the definition was relative to their current time period – Steve was all about classic rock.

“I bet that senior citizens come to you to take notes on how to be so stuck in the past,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “There’s nothing wrong with classic rock, but have you heard what’s out there these days? There’s so much variety within every genre that you have to give everything at least one listen. I mean, take metal, for example. It’s not just metal. It’s metalcore; it’s symphonic metal; it’s friggen death metal.”

“You mean a lot of people realized that rather than learn how to play an instrument, they can drop tune their guitars and make a lot of noise and people will call it music,” Steve said, wrinkling his nose just enough to be adorable.

“Oh my god,” Bucky said. “You really are a hundred and fifty years old, aren’t you?”

Steve shrugged. “I just know what I like,” he said, smiling and pulling Bucky in for a sweet, short kiss. “And my line of work gives me plenty of new things to deal with on a near monthly basis. I think it’s ok if I don’t feel the need to branch out musically quite as enthusiastically as you have.”

“You’re missing out,” Bucky said with a smile, kissing Steve back softly.

“I’ll be the judge of what I am and am not missing out in,” Steve replied as he deftly undid the button and zipper of Bucky’s jeans and pulled them down in a swift movement. He studied the sight before him: Bucky wearing only a tight black tank top, his hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and just the barest hint of a blush around his cheeks as Steve gave him an exaggerated once-over.

“I’ve concluded that I am not missing out on anything,” Steve announced, leaning in to give Bucky a kiss on the cheek while his hand strayed down to tease Bucky’s hardening cock.

*

And on Friday, they realized that not all of their entertainment preferences were at odds.

“We should go to a baseball game one of these days,” Bucky said, scrolling through pictures of the giant stadiums. “See what they’re like now.”

“Yeah, we could do that,” Steve nodded.

“Did we just agree on entertainment?” Bucky said, faking over-the-top surprise. “I must be going crazy.”

“I’m afraid it’s a short trip,” Steve said with a smile.

Bucky shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Sam says I’m integrating into ‘civilian’ life like a pro. And I bet you’ll wanna go see the opera or the ballet too while we’re at it,” he teased.

Steve considered the idea. “Well, if we’re up in New York to see a game –“

“How about something on Broadway?” Bucky suggested.

“That sounds perfect,” Steve replied. “We can call up Tony and maybe make some plans that hopefully won’t be cancelled by any supervillain rampages. Or alien invasions. Or -”

“Even I know how this works,” Bucky groused. “The moment we make plans, someone is going to try to ruin them. It’s the way of the world.”

“Maybe,” said Steve, “But there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?”

Bucky nodded. “Speaking of only one way to find out,” he said slowly.

“Yes?”

“C’mon to the bedroom,” Bucky said, jumping up from the computer chair and taking Steve’s hand in his, leading him down the hall.

“Did you-“ Steve started to ask, but then he stopped as he opened the door to their bedroom and found that their dressers and night stands were covered in lit candles, the soft light bouncing off the bed that was freshly made with deep red bedding and – “Are those flower petals?” Steve asked incredulously.

Bucky nodded with a self-satisfied grin. “It’s just that you were going on and on about classics all week, so I thought maybe I’d step up with some classics of my own.”

“You’re too much,” Steve said. “I don’t need candles and flowers.”

“But I can tell you like them,” Bucky replied, pressing his hips against Steve’s and giving him a long, deep kiss.

“There’s something about the way the candlelight glows against your skin,” Steve admitted and in a lower voice, he added, “And your arm. It’s, uh, nice.”

“I knew there was a reason you always take me out to those damned fancy places with the food we don’t even care for,” Bucky said, “Now, let’s do this all proper and shit.”

Steve walked near the bed, placing a hand on the silky bedding and pretending to swoon. “No one does romance like Bucky Barnes,” he said.

Bucky shut him up with another long kiss, taking the opportunity to unbutton Steve’s jeans. He slowly worked his way down Steve’s chest, nipping at his skin through his t-shirt until he was on his knees. He pulled down Steve’s pants and boxers and with a well-placed shove, pushed Steve onto the bed.

“It’s not my fault you’re a helpless romantic sometimes,” Bucky said as he moved to the edge of the bed, his head poised between Steve’s legs.

He leaned in, lapping at Steve’s erection with little teasing touches. Steve groaned and his hips pressed up into the touch. Bucky looked perfect in the candlelight, his skin glowing golden and his hair glimmering as his natural red highlights were complemented by the fireglow. And that perfect head was moving up and down Steve’s cock at a frustratingly slow pace.

“Bucky!” Steve said, grabbing onto the blanket at his sides. Every muscle fiber in his body was tensed, ready to help him fuck Bucky’s absolutely delicious mouth. His patience was rewarded when Bucky sped up, his mouth soft and wet and moving fast. It wasn’t long before Steve started to feel a familiar tightening as he found himself dangerously close already. He groaned and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he said, “Are blowjobs part of the ‘classic package?’ ”

“I guess we’ll never know,” Bucky said, all innocence and grinning. “After all, those classic movies all faded out before they got to the good parts. I’m free to improvise.”

“Get up here,” Steve replied with an almost growl. He easily grabbed and hoisted Bucky up onto the bed, unceremoniously dumping him on his hands and knees.

“Show off. Bet I can do that one handed,” Bucky said, flexing his metal arm.

“I bet you can,” Steve agreed as he grabbed their favorite tube of lube from the nightstand and slicked up his finger. “But right now, if you don’t mind, I’d rather enjoy our moment of intimacy instead of turning it into a strength contest.”

“You started it!” Bucky protested, but his protest was quickly forgotten when Steve slipped one finger into his perfectly presented ass. Then the movement stopped. “What are you doing?” Bucky asked as he turned his head around to look back at Steve.

“I’m admiring the view,” Steve replied.

“Admire the view later!” Bucky said impatiently.

“As you wish,” Steve replied, adding a second finger and then a third in swift succession. Bucky pressed back against Steve’s fingers, twitching his hips side to side. “I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something, Buck.”

“Steve,” Bucky said warningly. “I will tie you down and fuck myself on your pretty little cock if you don’t hurry up and fuck me yourself!”

With a smile, Steve withdrew his fingers. “You know, that sounds like it could be pretty nice. Might take you up on the offer.”

Bucky shifted to turn around, but before he could follow through on his threat, Steve had grabbed his hips and carefully but quickly thrust into Bucky’s ass. “Fuck!” Bucky cried out.

“I will,” Steve promised.

He pulled back slowly and steadily and thrust in again quickly a few more times before settling into a comfortable rhythm. Bucky rocked back on his hands and knees to meet each thrust. It wasn’t long before they were both breathing heavily from the effort as they came together harder and faster. Steve reached around to grab Bucky’s neglected erection. It was hard and heavy in his hand as he pumped it in time to their thrusts.

Bucky groaned at the touch, his breathing hitched and becoming increasingly erratic. When he came, it was with a loud and low moan that destroyed Steve’s remaining self-control. His hands gripping Bucky’s hips, he found his release, throwing his head back and letting the pleasurable waves course through his body.

They collapsed into a cuddle on the dark sheets, and Steve ineffectually tried to disentangle their limbs.

“Just stay like this for a minute,” Bucky said, his breath warm on Steve’s shoulder as he pulled him closer.

“Ok,” Steve said, “Sounds good.”

Steve was softly snoring within minutes. Bucky waited until he was sure Steve was in a deep sleep before carefully sneaking out of bed and blowing out all of the candles. The room descended into darkness and Steve woke up briefly when Bucky got back into bed.

“Loved the candles,” Steve muttered, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Bucky said, pressing a soft kiss on Steve’s cheek.

And the two drifted off to peaceful sleep.


	3. The Past - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky confronts the reality of his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Here's some angst warning for you all. Major feels coming up. I've been working on this part for a couple of days now and I realized it needed to be in two parts. I hate writing depressing things but I feel like it is unfair to Bucky not to acknowledge all facets of himself and how he and Steve deal with it.

“I’m glad we’re going to spend the weekend together, but you should have told me sooner that the Dodgers weren’t in Brooklyn anymore!” Bucky said as he leaned back in his computer chair.

“To be honest, I hadn’t thought much about baseball these past few years,” Steve admitted. “It was a bit of a surprise to me too when I learned it.” He had already pulled out his sketchbook and gotten comfortable in his seat, his pencil poised above a sketch he had been working on the past few nights.

Comfortable silence settled in the room, punctuated gently by the clicking keys of the keyboard and the scuttle of Steve’s pencil.

After a few minutes, Steve spoke up thoughtfully. “You remember that game we went to, back in 1934?”

Bucky paused, looking up from the computer screen. He sorted through his memories carefully, remembering that in 1934 he would have been about 17 years old. Baseball memories – he had a few of those, mostly of the pretty girls who had accompanied him and, of course, Steve. “Their game against the Giants?” he asked, though his smile said he was confident in his recollection.

“Yeah,” Steve said. “That was the day we knocked the Giants out of the pennant race by beating them – twice in a row.”

“I remember everyone cheering as if we had won the damned pennant,” Bucky said. “The most memorable games of the season.”

“I think that was one of my highlights of the year,” Steve said, before quieting down as contemplated his next line.

Bucky nodded as he stared back at the screen in front of him. He did remember the game but thinking about it, he didn’t remember much else from those earlier years. He remembered working and he remembered being around Steve. Tentatively, he started searching 1930’s history, very aware as the dates got closer and closer to the war.

“Hey, I’m going to head to bed soon,” Steve said and Bucky looked at the time on the monitor – it was just past ten.

“Where did that half hour go?” Bucky mused out loud as Steve stood up and glanced at the screen, where Bucky was reading about the draft.

“Good news for you,” Steve said, draping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders and kissing the top of his head, “The draft was done away with years ago. Come to bed with me?”

Bucky looked at the screen even as he leaned back into Steve’s arms. “I just want to read a little more first.”

“Ok,” Steve said, looking at the screen again. He kissed Bucky’s head again softly and added, “Don’t feel like you can’t wake me up when you’re done, ok?”

“Thanks,” Bucky said, threading his arms around Steve’s and nuzzling his head against Steve’s shoulder behind him. “Sleep well.”

Steve left the room and Bucky realized his hand – not the metal one of course – was trembling. His heartbeat was elevated. He took a steadying breath and shook his head at himself. It was ridiculous to be this nervous to read a basic history of the war. But Steve’s quiet, wordless look had said what Steve wouldn’t have said out loud – this was a bad idea.

_I don’t need to do this right now._ But his fingers typed in search terms, the tapping of the keyboard sounding unnaturally loud.

He hadn’t forgotten much about the war itself; he remembered basic training well and being captured and tortured a little less well. Being saved from Zola the first time by Steve… that bittersweet moment had been one of the first memories to wretch to the top of his consciousness that day on the helicarrier.

“I’m not going to fight you. You’re my friend,” Steve had said to him that day.

Bucky’s head erupted with a brutal ache as he remembered that first round of torture at Zola’s hands and the relief he had felt seeing Steve’s face. And he remembered how the second time, Steve never came to save him. And eventually, he hadn’t remembered Steve at all.

His head fell to his hands, elbows resting on the edge of the desk as he tried to catch his breath. _I can deal with this later,_ he tried to tell himself, but hands acted on their own, typing the phrase “winter soldier” and hitting enter and the page loaded with a cheerful note that “about 15,000,000 results (0.37 seconds)” had been received.

There was a Wikipedia page. Bucky tried not to be surprised as he began to realize how much information was out there. Articles under a news section featured somebody questioning why there hadn’t been a bigger push to bring the “crazed assassin” to trial for his dozens of murders.

Bucky skipped those. He knew what he both wanted and didn’t want to see. It had to be part of the information Natasha had dumped online and when he found it, his mouse hovered over the link titled simply “list of known targets” for a full minute before he clicked.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know he had killed people. Even in that moment, his hands twitched, wanting the comfort of a heavy gun to hold. He wanted to hide behind a sight, keeping his face away from the rest of the world. His victims had been faceless, nondescript, when he looked at them through the eyes of the winter solider.

Bucky tore his gaze from the desk to the computer screen. They weren’t faceless any longer. He stared at them through the eyes of James Buchanan Barnes. They were staring back at him, pictures of each victim next to the basic details pulled from his Hydra reports.

He stood up quickly, only just stopping himself from punching the screen as if it would bring their staring, judging eyes back to life. Bucky managed to make his way towards the bedroom – even in his aggravated state, his footsteps were barely noticeable. But he dropped heavily on the bed, certain Steve was already awake.

“You ok?” Steve asked, quiet in the dark.

Bucky tried to say something and realized his voice was useless as his breathing hitched in his throat. His shoulders made some semblance of a shrug and he tensed, his body ready to get back up and leave, to go anywhere.

But before he could move, Steve sat up and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. “You didn’t have to read that,” Steve said. He ran one hand down Bucky’s right arm, entwining their fingers together.

Still tense, Bucky shook his head. “I couldn’t pretend any longer,” he finally said.

“There’s a huge difference between not taking responsibility for your actions and being forced to do something against your will,” Steve said. In the dark, Bucky couldn’t make out every line of Steve’s face when he looked up, but he could see dark set shadows in the lines of his forehead and around his eyes, and for a surreal flash, Steve looked like his ninety-seven years had caught up to him. Bucky looked away.

The silence was everywhere in the room, but Bucky could hear was the gunshots, all fired by his own hands. Only this time, he could see the faces in the dark, staring at him without fear as they flickered in and out of reality.

“They’re dead because of me,” Bucky said. He was staring at his hands. His shoulders were drawn back and so tense that even in the dark Steve could see them twitch.

Steve reached around and clasped Bucky’s other hand so that he was holding both. “If it hadn’t been you, they would have used someone else,” he said finally. “That’s how you know the difference.”

Bucky looked up at him with dark, damp eyes. “I shot to kill before Hydra ever had me.”

Releasing his grip on Bucky’s hands, Steve brought his hands up to Bucky’s neck and gently touched the tense flesh, letting his thumbs rub circles against the muscle. “It wasn’t a back alley, Bucky. We were at war.”

Even Steve’s strong fingers couldn’t overcome the tension Bucky felt. But he sat there, his back pressed up against Steve, blinking away stray tears, because he didn’t know where else he could go and because he wanted to believe in some part of his brain that Steve meant what he said.

It took a full hour, but Steve’s persistent massage finally began to make progress and Bucky almost cried out as his sore muscle started to relax.

“You’re lucky I’ve got super strength and stamina going for me right now,” Steve joked softly.

Bucky sighed against Steve. “Your super strength and super stamina is fighting against mine,” he said. “I think they cancel each other out.”

Steve leaned in to press a kiss to Bucky’s ear. “You might be right. But truth be told, I haven’t given many massages. I have no basis for comparison.”

Bucky couldn’t help the second sigh that turned into a yawn as he shifted against their cotton bedsheet. Steve “I-have-no-practice-with-this-I-swear” Rogers expertly maneuvered Bucky to lie down on his stomach and sat straddled across his back, continuing the deep massage.

“I can’t absolve you of your guilt,” Steve said. “The least I can do is try to help you sleep.” And patiently, Steve continued the massage, working his way down Bucky’s right arm, his back, and his legs, kneading each muscle with untiring strength until, finally, Bucky’s breathing slowed in a quiet pattern of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two should be up tomorrow! (And because I hate sadness, spoiler alert: it will be happier than this part). 
> 
> ALSO - just so you guys know, I am adding an ADDITIONAL chapter to this story beyond what I had planned because I was inspired by a writing prompt today and I realized it totally fit the theme of Bucky searching things on the internet. I hope you guys don't mind too terribly. :)


	4. The Past - Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not nearly as much angst in this part! Woohoo!

Neither Bucky nor Steve slept well that week. Bucky began having more frequent nightmares, waking up in a tangle of blanket and covered in sweat. Next to him, Steve lay close for comfort, his body baring the bruises of the times Bucky had lashed out at his unseen nighttime enemies.

They sat over their cups of coffee on Saturday, Steve hiding yawns behind his hands and Bucky staring at the wall.

“I was thinking about something Sam said to me yesterday,” Bucky said.

“What’s that?” Steve asked, sipping black coffee from his blue mug.

“I’ve felt like I don’t have a lot of control in my life, you know?” Bucky said slowly. “From joining the army to, well, everything after that. Every time I feel like I can take charge of myself, I’m reminded of the horrible things I’m capable of. And I felt better for a while and I always feel better when I’m around you. But I want to feel better when I’m around myself, too. When it’s just me.”

Steve listened carefully. “So you’re saying that you feel stuck.”

Bucky nodded.

“And what did Sam say? What do you want to do?” Steve asked. He was gripping his coffee mug just a little tighter.

“I’m happy with what we have. I don’t want to move out or anything like that,” Bucky said. Even as removed as he was from his own emotions, he could read Steve like a book. “But Sam suggested I try volunteering, maybe to start looking for a job of my own.”

“You know you’re always welcome to help us out -” Steve began, but Bucky quickly cut him off.

“I know,” he said. “But let’s consider that a volunteer possibility. I was actually thinking about doing something with animals. Sam was telling me about therapy dogs.” He paused, and looked at Steve, unable to finish his thought.

“Therapy animals,” Steve mused. “I could see it. Was there something else?”

“Ah hell,” Bucky said, chancing a glance at Steve, “I think we should get a dog.”

Steve couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “I’d love to get a dog with you, Bucky.”

“You’re not – allergic or anything, right?”

“Is this why you’ve been so quiet since yesterday?” Steve asked. “I mean, you’ve been quiet all week – understandably so – but yesterday I was getting a bit worried, you know?”

Bucky cracked a small, slight smile and at that moment, Steve would have procured an army of dogs if it meant keeping that smile on Bucky’s face.

They spent the rest of the weekend planning and preparing to bring a dog into their household. A lunchtime meeting with Sam Sunday afternoon pointed them in the direction of a good shelter and on Tuesday evening over dinner, Bucky informed Steve that he had found their dog.

“So I hope you’ll be able to come out tomorrow morning to see him,” Bucky said, “They have a twenty four hour hold policy so I could bring you by before making anything final. But he’s sweet, he’s active, and I think he’s the one for us.”

“That’s great,” Steve replied. “Tomorrow morning’s teleconference is at ten, so we’ll go first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Great!” Bucky said, and there was that little bit of a smile, now back in full force, lighting up his eyes.

Steve couldn’t help but to lean over and kiss Bucky on the cheek. Bucky shook his head and got out of his seat to give Steve a proper kiss, one with just enough tongue to tease. He broke off the kiss right as Steve began to run his hand down the back of his tank top.

“Aw,” Steve whined, trying to capture Bucky’s lips again.

“I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with me this week,” Bucky said, his eyes searching Steve’s.

“I’m here for you no matter what,” Steve replied, standing up and pulling Bucky closer. “Always, Bucky.” He kissed Bucky gently on his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, and his chin.

The stood in the kitchen, pressed up against each other and kissing until Steve mentioned something about needing a shower before it got too late and they found themselves naked and kissing under the hot water spray in record time. Steve grabbed the soap and Bucky swatted it out of his hand.

“No point in cleaning up before we get dirty,” Bucky said.

“If the water goes cold before I get to rinse off, I’m gonna blame you,” Steve replied, his eyes twinkling. “So maybe I’ll help move things along,” he added, kneeling in front of Bucky and grinning up. “If you don’t mind, of course.”

Bucky looked down at him, laughing. “Right. If I don’t mind. Damn, Steve, you look good down there.”

“Give me a moment,” Steve promised and he licked his lips before pulling Bucky out of the watery spray, bringing his mouth to envelop Bucky’s hardening cock at the same time.

Bucky groaned at the sudden chill from the water’s absence on his back mixed with the sudden warmth radiating up his core as Steve started moving slow and gentle and cupped Bucky’s balls with one hand.

The groan turned to a disappointed grumble when Steve stopped. “Hey, is the lube up there?” he asked, somehow full of innocence even as his mouth was so close to Bucky’s cock that his breath whispered hotly against his skin.

Bucky grabbed blindly at the shelf. A bottle of shampoo landed near the drain, followed by the small bottle of lube.

“Thanks,” Steve smiled as he reached between Bucky’s legs to grab the fallen bottle, making sure to accidentally-on-purpose brush against Bucky’s erection.

He kissed the inside of Bucky’s thigh. But as he began to gently press his lubed finger inside, he noticed that Bucky started to tense much more than usual and he pulled back.

“You ok?” he asked.

Bucky paused before answering. “You think we could move this to the bed, maybe?” he asked quietly, barely audible over the running water.

“Sure,” Steve said. He retrieved the shampoo from near the drain and then stood up. He grabbed the soap again and this time, he lathered his hands and began to carefully soap Bucky up, from head to toe, taking his time and even working in a small neck massage. A quick soaping of his own body and the water was turned off and the two of them dried off before moving to the bedroom.

“Just wanna see your face when we’re fucking,” Bucky muttered, flushed and almost embarrassed.

Steve saw then that Bucky still needed more comfort and assurance than he had been letting on. With a soothing smile, Steve lead Bucky to the bed, letting him lie down and get comfortable before casually straddling his waist.

“You’re so perfect,” Steve said, running his hands down Bucky’s chest and leaning in to kiss his neck.

“I’ve killed too many people for you to say that,” Bucky replied immediately, turning his head to avoid looking at Steve, a rare tactical error that granted Steve extra access to sensitive skin.

“I don’t judge you by what you’ve done in the past, especially under your circumstances,” Steve said, brushing Bucky’s bangs back behind his ear. “I judge you by how you live now that you’re free to do what you want.” He ran his hands down Bucky’s arms, pausing to intertwine his fingers with Bucky’s briefly.

Bucky’s metal hand tensed away from the touch. “I hate this damn arm,” he muttered, glaring at it as if he could scare the metal into disintegrating. “It’s a little piece of Hydra I can never get rid of.”

Steve paused, looking thoughtful. “You know, I never thought of this before, but when we’re in New York, we could ask Tony to look at it. He might not be able to replace it completely –“

“It could be worth asking,” Bucky said quietly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t think of it before,” Steve started to apologize, but Bucky wouldn’t let him.

“You can’t know what I’m thinking twenty four hours a day,” Bucky said. “Especially if I’m keeping it a secret from myself too.”

But just the thought of having his arm replaced or remodeled in a fashion that wouldn’t tie him to Hydra any longer felt like a weight lifted off of his chest. Or, wait, that was just Steve shifting positions and moving farther down on the bed, trailing kisses down Bucky’s torso and running his teeth just roughly enough to tease over his hip bone.

Maybe it was a little of both. Bucky smiled down at Steve as he eased his legs apart and settled in between Bucky’s thighs to pick up where they had left off in the shower. When Steve began sliding a finger along the curve of Bucky’s ass, he spread his legs farther, inviting him to touch him in the most intimate way.

Steve moved his finger inside Bucky unhurriedly, lavishing attention with his mouth on Bucky’s cock and balls and thighs, kissing, licking and nipping gently until Bucky was squirming and groaning, “Steve, please…”

He added a second finger, slow and steady. Bucky shifted his hips, trying to up the pace even as he managed to say, “You’re getting me too close – just –“

Steve stopped mid-touch and smiled up at Bucky. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, damnit, you –“ And he was cut off midsentence as Steve swiftly changed position, replacing his fingers with the slick head of his cock, pushing into Bucky just a bit too fast to be leisurely. “God,” Bucky breathed. “Fuck. Ok.”

Another smile. “Not tonight Bucky. Tonight I’m making love to you.” Steve put one hand on each of Bucky’s shoulders, kissed him fully, and started to move. It wasn’t quite fast enough to push Bucky over the edge, but damn if it didn’t feel just as good as they came together.

“Goddamn romantic,” Bucky said, breathing hard. Every inch of his skin felt like it was on fire, every movement Steve made seemed amplified tenfold.

“You bring out the best in me,” Steve replied. “Only one of the many reasons I love you.” Another kiss, another long and devastating thrust.

Bucky arched his back, grabbing handfuls of the sheet and crying out.

“Touch yourself,” Steve said, his voice hoarse from exertion. “Let me see you come.”

“God you sound good like that,” Bucky said. Steve rewarded his compliment with a rough kiss.

He wrapped his fingers around his erection and moved them as slowly as he could stand, his core burning so hot it might burst into flame at any moment. He was having trouble focusing on Steve and he closed his eyes, letting the sensations wash over him – the alternating fullness and emptiness as Steve moved inside him, the way his skin sizzled at the slightest touch and the wonderfully familiar feeling of his orgasm cresting and crashing over him like a tidal wave.

Bucky wasn’t sure if he was moaning or yelling, and vaguely he could feel Steve murmuring his name over and over as he followed Bucky over the edge. They lay together for a few minutes – possibly longer; Bucky thought he might have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes.

When he opened his eyes to see Steve watching him sleep, Bucky shook his head. “You do have a way of making me feel loved,” he said, bringing his hand to caress Steve’s cheek. “Dunno if I make you feel the same way always.”

“Of course you do, Buck,” Steve said as they took a moment to clean up with tissues. “You always have, in your own way. It’s what I like best about it.”

“Good. You should get some sleep you know. We’re getting a dog in the morning.” Bucky turned over on his side, snuggling against Steve’s chest.

“Oh yeah? What happened to me getting to see the dog first to help make the decision?” Steve asked, his arm resting around Bucky’s waist.

“I’m confident you'll agree with me,” Bucky replied.

Curled together, they fell asleep within minutes.

And the next morning, true to Bucky’s word, they went to the shelter and came home with the perfect dog, a mutt with some collie and maybe some poodle and what had to be some great dane. They named him Buddy.


	5. Recipes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wants to thank Steve by preparing an old favorite meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part came from a little humorous ficlet; I realized it worked very well within the framework of this story, and I made it so. Please enjoy! :D

Buddy _woofed_ loudly, an insistent paw on Bucky’s back as Bucky curled up closer to Steve, snuggling under the covers.

Steve glanced at the clock. “It’s five in the morning, Buddy,” he said sleepily.

“I’m going to have to look up how to teach the concept of ‘too damn early’ to a dog,” Bucky said as he stretched his arms, turning over until he was face to face with the fluffy-furred animal. Buddy barked again in triumph, nosing his leash towards Bucky’s hand.

“He’s a fast learner,” Bucky said with a half-sigh, half-chuckle. He swung his legs off the bed and Buddy promptly headed down the hallway to sit by the door, the noise of his tail thumping against the floor echoing back to the bedroom.

“You two have fun enjoying the sunrise,” Steve replied, turning over to grab a few more minutes of sleep.

Truth be told, Bucky didn’t mind the early morning wake-up call. He snapped Buddy’s leash to his collar and then they were outside in the fresh, slightly humid June air. He hadn’t exactly been a morning person all those decades back, but there was something about being injected with an experimental serum that had made it much easier to exist on fewer hours of sleep and the quiet morning hours and peaceful sunrises were a pleasant if not completely equal trade-off.

He knew Steve felt the same way, because more mornings than not, Steve would get out of bed and join them for their early morning jog. On the mornings that Buddy waited until six, Sam would join them as well, saying something about “five being too damn early” and “only human” and “not without direct orders from the Captain” and Steve knew better than to lower morale needlessly.

Bucky and Buddy jogged down the street, heading towards the park. The sun was just beginning to rise and bathe the lower horizon with soft golden light.

“Consider me surprised,” Bucky said when he noticed the jogging figure in the distance was none other than Sam Wilson, awake an hour early.

“Morning,” Sam greeted them as they caught up. Bucky returned the greeting and Buddy barked a short acknowledgement.

The two men synched their pace to Buddy, who was no super soldier, but he was no slouch either. The next twenty minutes were silent save for their labored breathing and when they were done, they sat down near a water fountain so that Buddy could have a drink from the pet spout.

“A bit early for you, isn’t it?” Bucky asked after taking a swig of his own water.

“Just one of those mornings,” Sam replied, enjoying his shady spot under the tree. “I slept like a rock and woke up at five ready to start the day. Doesn’t happen often.”

“Well, I won’t tell Steve,” Bucky promised with a grin. Sam laughed, and Buddy finished lapping up some water before lying down on the grass next to him.

Sam patted Buddy’s head. “Been a couple of days. How are you doing?”

Bucky smiled and Sam was happy to note the gesture came easily. “I’m doing alright,” he said. “Well, you know.”

Sam nodded.

“Truth be told,” Bucky confessed with a shrug, “I’ve been trying to think of some way to let Steve know how much I appreciate his patience with me. You know how he is. Patient and persistent, and he never makes me feel like I’m a burden.”

Sam recalled the morning he had made breakfast for Steve and Natasha. Had it really been several months ago now? He’d have to invite everyone over for brunch one of these weekends. “You could try making him dinner. I think he’d appreciate that.”

“Dinner, huh?” Bucky thought about it – Steve was typically the one cooking if they weren’t ordering out. “It’s been awhile since I’ve cooked. I remember he liked spaghetti and meatballs back when we lived in Brooklyn. Pretty sure I don’t have ma’s recipe card anymore though.”

“Check the internet. They’ve got recipes for everything,” Sam said.

*

James “Bucky” Buchanan Barnes. The winter soldier. A man of talent and skill in firearms and hand to hand combat, both feared and unknown. A ghost.

“Bucky Barnes – chef” was conspicuously absent from that list.

He stared at the kitchen in front of him. It wasn’t like he had never seen a kitchen before, though it did feel like a lifetime since he’d last held a knife with the intent to cut only vegetables.

Three burned pots were heaped in the sink, two pans of charred bread were laid out on the counter and flour was just absolutely everywhere (had the recipe even called for flour?) and on the tiny kitchen island sat the fruits of his labor – two bowls partially filled with soggy spaghetti and extra crispy meatballs.

The smell of smoke began to fill the kitchen again and Bucky practically dove over Buddy for the oven, realizing too late that he had forgotten to set the oven timer. Unable to find the oven mitts among the mess, he reached into the oven, his metal hand grasping the pan and pulling the especially well done bread out.

With a growl, he tossed the pan on top of the other, already-ruined loaves of bread, wondering how he could hit a target a mile away in any conditions but couldn’t remember to set a timer for bread. Buddy sat back at a safe distance, out of the way but ready to pounce on any falling morsels.

The intimidating pile of dishes stared Bucky down from the sink, a pile of pots and pans and bowls and plates and he wasn’t sure when he had used each item but they all definitely needed to be cleaned.

He heard the door to the house open behind him.

“I think we should go out to dinner tonight!” he called.

Steve could smell the residual smoke even as he opened the door. But he wasn’t quite prepared for the extent of the mess in the kitchen. Bucky stood in front of the sink as though he could block it with his body, but the stack of dishes was still peeking out from behind him.

“What happened?” Steve finally asked.

“I tried to make dinner,” Bucky said with a shrug, pointing to the bowls on the counter top. Amidst a sea of flour and clutter, the two bowls looked like little boats about to capsize under the mess.

“It looks good?” Steve said with only a hint of hesitation and Bucky realized that if he didn’t push for them to go out to dinner, Steve would eat the overcooked and ruined food with a smile on his face and compliment Bucky’s efforts.

“Nope. No way. I’m not having any of that,” Bucky replied adamantly, causing Steve to laugh. “We are going out to dinner and I will try this again sometime else.” He looked around the kitchen again. “Maybe.”

Buddy was sniffing around the kitchen island, looking hopeful, and Steve laughed again. “Sorry Buddy, but the chef has pronounced the food no good for human or dog consumption.”

As Steve appraised the rest of the mess, Bucky checked Buddy’s food and water dishes, making sure the dog had his dinner and a drink of tasty tap water.

“Let’s get this under control and then we can go out,” Steve decided. “I want dishes in the dishwasher, counter tops wiped up, and pots and pans soaking.”

“I didn’t realize you’d go all captain on me over this,” Bucky said. He paused and grinned, stepping closer to Steve. “If I had known, I think I might have made a mess in here a lot sooner.”

Steve’s smile was cut with a healthy dose of raised eyebrows. But his eyes sparkled as he said, “Well, sergeant, it’s clear you’re not cut out for the advanced KP. I’m assigning remedial potato peeling duties.”

Bucky laughed and rolled his eyes. “Steve, sometimes you take the fun right out of everything! If there’s one thing I’ll never forget, it’s how many potatoes you need to peel to feed an army. I did my time.”

There was a pause and then Steve folded his arms across his chest sternly and said, “With that kind of back talk, it was clearly far too long ago.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky said, letting his own hands rest on his hips, unable to hold back his grin. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“I was thinking pushups,” Steve said slowly, “But I have a feeling that won’t get my point across.” He let his own grin spread across his face. “Let’s start with the shirt. Off with it.”

“I like where this is going,” Bucky said, tugging his shirt up slowly, letting his fingertips drag across his skin.

Buddy could see where it was going too, and he cleared the kitchen to go chew on his rope toy in the living room. After all, he _was_ a quick learner.

Bucky’s shirt dropped to the floor, sending up a cloud of flour.

“Dirty pants,” Steve said, shaking his head. “They’ll have to go too.” He looked down and raised his eyebrows at Bucky. “Mine too, from the looks of it.”

“Yeah, my aim is pretty good,” Bucky said proudly as he unbuttoned his pants and let them drop to the ground in a floury puff. “Want some help with those?” he asked sweetly, stepping forward and tugging at Steve’s waistband.

He eased down Steve’s zipper with one hand, leaning in and stealing a kiss. Steve’s pants and boxers joined the jumble of clothing on the floor.

“And, whoops,” said Bucky, running his hand down Steve’s chest and leaving a dusty handprint, “Looks like your shirt is gonna have to go too.”

“Oh my,” said Steve. “A shame.” He let Bucky ease off his shirt and admire the view for a bare moment before reuniting their lips in an aggressive kiss, pressing their hips together, craving the feel of Bucky’s warm skin against his own.

“Steve, you want we should move this to another room?” Bucky panted between kisses as Steve’s hands began to roam lower and lower down his back. He nipped at Steve’s neck.

“Wait,” Steve said, reluctantly separating from Bucky and hurrying down the hall to grab the lube. “We’re cleaning the whole room later anyhow,” he said when he returned with a smile that melted into a smirk, “Thanks to someone’s attempt to burn down the house.”

“Is that how it is?” Bucky said, though his mock indignation was further compromised by his clear indication of arousal.

“That’s how it is,” Steve replied, nodding. He gestured to the island in front of them. “Hands on the counter.”

Bucky had only just braced himself before Steve was back up against him, one hand reaching around to gently stroke his erection and the other sliding down his ass, pausing for a torturous moment before Steve began to press a finger slowly inside.

“Am I going too fast?” Steve asked, his breath hot on Bucky’s shoulder blade and Bucky shivered involuntarily.

“Just right,” he said, his voice catching at the end when Steve started to add a second finger. “Oh, yes,” he groaned, shifting his hips against Steve’s hand.

Steve pulled his fingers out and as he slowly began to ease his way inside, Bucky reached back with his metal arm, wrapping his fingers around Steve’s hips and trying to pull him closer.

Steve’s breaths turned to pants as he began to fuck Bucky’s perfect ass with long, deep strokes. “You’re so perfect,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment – it was too much to look down and watch his cock sliding in and out, especially with Bucky thrusting his hips back to meet his pace.

He focused on wrapping his fingers around the velvety skin of Bucky’s cock, jerking him off as they moved to their shared rhythm. It wasn’t long before Bucky was crying out as he came, and his muscles tensed around Steve’s cock. Steve came, one hand gripping Bucky’s hip and the other braced against the counter as his orgasm pulsed out in long, overwhelming waves. His chest fit against Bucky’s back as they leaned over the counter a moment longer before pulling apart. Bucky turned around and gave Steve a big kiss.

“Sorry about the kitchen,” Bucky said. “But I feel obliged to tell you that since you rewarded me for it, it’ll probably happen again. Didn’t you read our book on dog training?” He laughed.

Steve grinned. “I didn’t think that was something you’d be in to,” he said with a wink, and Bucky gasped.

“Not like that,” he said, smiling even as he rolled his eyes. “That’s not quite my style.”

“Ok, good,” Steve confessed. “It’s not mine either, though I would certainly give anything a try for you.”

Bucky’s smile shifted into a self-satisfied grin. “Oh, is that so?”

“Yes,” Steve replied. “Now, let’s do something about this mess, because as much as I enjoy you naked, I’m still looking forward to having dinner at some point tonight.”

Clad in their flour-covered boxers, the two made short work of the kitchen. Buddy came back in, found a hidden supply of flour in the corner and tracked it across the floor.

“Seriously,” Steve said, shaking his head. “I didn’t think we even had this much flour.”

Bucky nodded. “Not anymore we don’t,” he replied, and Steve gave him a smile that made the whole danged mess worth it. He would try again, and soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright you guys - see you next chapter for the last part of this story! It's been a blast to write. I love these two.


	6. Fanfiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long, long, long awaited final chapter. A lot of fun, a touch of humor, a little bit of seriousness, and everything in between. Enjoy! :D

“So, have you ever heard of Winter’s Children, Steve?” Bucky’s hand was looped through Buddy’s leash as the three of them wound their way through the neighborhood in a long, early evening walk.

Steve glanced at Bucky. “Can’t say that I have,” he replied, his face beginning to crinkle in confusion. He couldn’t help it, even though he knew Bucky would provide an explanation.

“Well, it’s what my fans call themselves. I have fans, you know,” Bucky said proudly.

They paused in their walk as Buddy began to sniff the ground carefully. “I’m sure you do. People seem to a have thing for your type – you know. Dark, brooding, metal arm. Really, it’s classic beauty, is what it is,” said Steve as he patriotically cleaned up after Buddy and they resumed their walk.

“Thanks,” Bucky said, laughing. “I know.”

“But there’s more you want to talk about,” Steve guessed and Bucky nodded with enthusiasm.

“Right as always,” he said. “Have you ever heard of fanfiction?”

“The idea of it? I suppose so,” Steve said thoughtfully as they crossed the street to begin their way back home. “Though I can’t say I’m sure I want to see what people have written about me.”

As they passed by house after house, Bucky made sure to fill Steve in on just what he was missing. “Oh, Steve, it’s great. Well – I’ll be honest. I’ve only ever read the AU stuff.”

Right on cue, Steve had to ask: “AU?”

“Alternative Universe. People take us and plop us down into all sorts of situations, different time periods, different settings. It’s really creative.”

They were still at least five blocks away from home. “Go on,” said Steve. Buddy happily trotted alongside the pair, blissfully unaware of the ridiculous topics being discussed.

“One of the first ones I found had you as an accomplished violinist. I was the guest soloist with an attitude you didn’t care for,” Bucky said, already laughing as he remembered the short story. “But you came around in the end.”

“I’m sure I did,” Steve said. “I’d imagine you’d look very nice in a tux for your solo.”

“Damn right I would! These people know what’s up,” Bucky said.

As they approached their own home, Bucky shared another overview: “You were a casual caramel enthusiast and I was a master confectioner.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” Steve said, shaking his head. “Casual caramel enthusiast?”

“That was the description,” Bucky insisted, letting his hand span out dramatically as if painting a picture. “I’m telling you, if you can imagine it, someone has written about it.”

He stood back on the small porch with Buddy while Steve unlocked the front door to let them all in. The smell of simmering vegetables and spiced chicken greeted them and Bucky breathed a small sigh of relief when they made their way to the kitchen and confirmed that their dinner was still perfectly contained by the little silver slow cooker on the counter. Buddy, however, eyed the clean countertop with a slight “woof” of disappointment.

“Sorry, Bud,” Bucky said, ruffling the dog’s dark fur. “I’ve finally found the perfect cooking method to avoid all of the mess.”

“And it smells and looks wonderful. Thanks for making dinner,” Steve said. He pulled dishes down from the cupboard while Bucky filled Buddy’s food dish and checked to make sure he had plenty of water after their long walk.

Over dinner, the topic turned right back to the surprisingly many stories Bucky had found through his internet searches. “This one was particularly wonderful. So, you were this world famous triangle player –“

“-What is it with these stories and me being all musical?” Steve asked, pausing to eat his forkful of chicken before continuing. “And I mean, a triangle? World famous?”

“Well, you’ve got the art thing going for you – you’re creative. Trust me, it worked,” Bucky said. “Ok, so you were performing concerts all over the world and I was this geometry teacher. And I meet you at one of your concerts. We bond over our love of isosceles triangles.”

Steve laughed. “That’s acute story,” he deadpanned with as straight a face as he could manage, surprising himself with the silly pun.

Bucky shook his head. “Steve, I don’t think you’re looking at this from the right angle,” he replied and the two of them laughed until Buddy looked at them with the sort of concern that only a dog can manage.

And as they washed up and put away the dishes, Bucky continued to share synopses. “In one story, we were both marine biologists living off the coast of Florida.”

Steve dried the plates as he replied. “I have to admit, I didn’t expect that one.”

“Neither did I,” Bucky agreed. “But, sure, why not?”

They finished cleaning up the kitchen and moved to the living room. Steve had been sitting at his art desk working on a sketch for a few minutes when he put his pencil down. “So what happened in that one? Did we make a huge, important discovery? Did we conduct tedious but necessary research? Or maybe we saved a dolphin?” Steve asked, unable to suppress his curiosity as he realized he had no clue what marine biologists did.

Bucky laughed. “None of that,” he said, looking over from the computer. “We took a jet ski to a remote location and went at it.”

“You’re serious,” Steve said and Bucky nodded with a solemn grin. “I’m just imagining sand everywhere. Maybe even an errant jellyfish. It seems like it would have too much potential to be painful.”

“You would think that,” Bucky said. He paused for a moment before continuing, “But truth be told – I didn’t really read through much of the, well, smutty parts. I read the stories because they were interesting and unique and sometimes when I don’t remember something as clearly as I’d like – or too clearly – it’s nice to read these alternate universes and pretend that maybe there’s a version of me out there who didn’t fuck so many things up.”

“I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve said, his brow furrowing in an echo of his apology. “I didn’t mean to –“

Bucky shrugged. “I’m allowed a dramatic moment or two every now and again,” he said with a faint shadow of a smile. “And I know you’re going to say I can’t blame myself and all that, but it still hurts sometimes. I don’t think that will ever go away.”

“I understand,” Steve said, going to Bucky and offering his arms out for a hug. Bucky stood and leaned into Steve’s chest, the warmth of his touch especially appreciated in that moment. Buddy thumped his tail in approval before coming and nuzzling against Bucky’s legs.

*

That night when they fell into bed, freshly showered and squeaky clean, Bucky wasted no time in rolling on top of Steve, pressing an insistent kiss against his lips and running his hands down Steve’s arms, appreciating the supple skin and hard muscle. The metal of his fingers was warmed from the shower and Steve returned the kiss with a little murmur of approval.

“If you’re ok with it,” Bucky broke the kiss and said quickly, “I want to top tonight.”

Steve looked surprised for a fraction of a section. “I’m ok with it if you are,” he said, looking up into Bucky’s darkened eyes. “I know you had been saying that –“

Bucky nodded, his hair bouncing with the force of the movement. “I know.” He leaned forward, kissing Steve’s cheek, his lips, his neck. “I’ve been afraid I might hurt you. I might not be myself or something. I don’t even know.”

Steve’s hands were strong and steady on Bucky’s back, his fingers tracing small circles across the alternating smooth and scarred skin. “If you’re hurting me, I’ll let you know. You can trust me to throw you off of me, if I really need to.” He grinned, that trademark Steve smile, full of honesty and honey sweet because Bucky knew that smile was reserved only for him.

“I’ll go slow, but I’m holding you to those words,” Bucky promised. He wavered for only a moment before he slipped back into his own trademark smirk, adding, “Even if I am out of practice, it won’t be long before you’re begging me for more. I’m sure of it.”

He nipped at Steve’s neck just roughly enough to send sparks down every nerve ending, and Steve writhed underneath him, the friction of his hips against Bucky’s own slowly hardening cock delightfully harsh.

Wanting to provoke that reaction again, Bucky pressed his lips just below Steve’s collarbone, supplementing his soft kiss with a ruthless bite. Steve squirmed helplessly underneath him and Bucky alternated between gentle kisses and unforgiving bites until Steve was moaning in an unending mewl, his eyes closed and his cock rock hard.

Bucky paused for a moment, to give Steve a moment and to give himself a moment. He hid his nerves by idly tracing a path down Steve’s torso with his metal fingers and grinned when Steve pressed up against the fingers, his body asking for more.

“Feels perfect,” Steve breathed, looking up at Bucky through half-closed eyes.

“God damn it, Steve,” Bucky replied, his hand straying lower on Steve’s torso, dipping down below his hips. His self-control was waning, but it wasn’t setting off any alarms, so he went with it. “You look amazing. You are amazing. It’s impossible to not want to take you right now.”

Steve smiled. “You know where the lube is,” he said, motioning to the night stand and Bucky grinned as he shifted his weight across Steve’s hips to the left and reached over the bed to open the drawer and grab it.

“How do you want it?” Bucky asked, punctuating each word with a scratchy kiss. He’d shave in the morning.

“I like this,” Steve admitted. “Up to you,” he added breathlessly as Bucky nipped at his earlobe.

“Then this works for me too,” Bucky said, shifting back off of Steve’s hips, spreading Steve’s legs and settling in on his knees between them. “Legs up on my shoulders.” He commanded and Steve easily complied, resting his calves on Bucky’s shoulders and giving Bucky unfettered access, which he promptly took advantage of.

Steve’s gasp when Bucky pressed one lubed finger against him turned into a deep moan when that finger started to slowly slide inside. “So far, so good,” he said, his eyes meeting Bucky’s encouragingly.

“Ready?” Bucky asked after minute, pressing gently with a second finger, waiting until Steve gave him a nod before going any further.

Steve was grabbing the sheets tightly and Bucky looked at him in concern. “Really, I’m ok,” Steve said to Bucky’s unspoken question. “Been awhile - you know-“ his words were short gasps as Bucky grabbed his cock roughly to distract him, the metal fingers closing around heated skin. “Mmm, very ok,” Steve amended, thrusting his hips up as much as he could for more friction.

The time passed in a blur to Bucky as he kept one hand wrapped around Steve’s beautifully responsive cock and used his other hand to position his own erection, thrusting in as carefully as he could manage, the intimacy almost instantly overwhelming. He held back for as long as he could, losing himself in the noises Steve was making.

Acting on instinct, Bucky shifted his hips and thrust deeply, the movement rewarded by Steve’s pleasured cry.

“Yes, yes, just like that,” Steve was murmuring, his voice a low rumble, scratchy from all of the noise he had been making.

Bucky focused on moving slowly and deeply and Steve cried out again and again until he came with a shout in Bucky’s hand and it was all Bucky could do to hold on for a few more frantic thrusts before he felt his own orgasm, a pulsing release that left him feeling boneless as he braced himself with hands on Steve’s hips.

After a minute, Steve’s voice cut through the fog and Bucky looked up to meet the sparkling blue eyes. “That was great,” he said.

“Thanks,” Bucky said as they untangled themselves and shared several soft kisses, confirming how they felt without words. “I was so worried and for what?” He shook his head.

“Sometimes it just takes time,” Steve said with a small shrug. “And no matter what, we’re getting there – together.”

Bucky sighed, a mixture of happiness blended with just a touch of amusement. “Always the romantic,” he said. “But I appreciate it.”

They sat quietly for a minute longer, enjoying the comfort of holding each other before cleaning up and pulling back the sheets to lie down. And in the darkness of the room, Steve stretched and settled on his side next to Bucky.

Bucky’s voice cut through the silence just as Steve began to drift off. “Hey Steve, did I tell you about the one where I’m in a band and we end up at the same college and eventually end up going out? There’s this great scene where we decorate a cake and -”

With a noise somewhere between a groan and a laugh, Steve silenced Bucky with a soft kiss. “I’m so glad you’re enjoying yourself,” he said, the moonlight from the bedroom window highlighting his smile. “But I’m starting to regret ever introducing you to the internet.”

“Oh, you can’t take all of the credit,” Bucky said. “It’s kind of impossible to avoid the internet these days, you know. We would have gotten here one way or another.”

“Ok, ok,” Steve agreed, snuggling closer to Bucky.

After another moment of quiet: “But seriously, this cake. Let me tell you about it –“

This time the noise Steve made was definitely a groan. “Bucky, you can tell me in the morning after I’ve had a cup of coffee, I promise. I’d love to hear about our cake decorating misadventures as imagined by our fans. But for now – let’s go to sleep.”

And they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOHOO!!! It's all over! :) I had so much fun writing this. Thank you to everyone for reading and supporting me with kudos and comments. 
> 
> AND, I’m happy to announce that I have two stories in the works. Well, one tiny little short story and one longer story (and a million other ideas and exactly zero free time). Yes, one of the AUs that Bucky mentioned will be coming to life in the form of college misadventures, along with a healthy dose of band stuff (I hope you guys like the idea of Natasha as a drummer, because I can’t stop imagining how great she’d be at it). 
> 
> Extra note: And for the people wondering when I’m going to finish up with my “Our Memories” series, well – the planned ideas I had went off the rails when I started writing and I’m not sure how I’m going to get that back on track yet. So I’m regrouping, writing my College AU, and then coming back to that.


End file.
